To whom it may concern,
My return address is on the
reverse side of this letter; just mail my acceptance letter and rooming plan
there. I know exactly what you’re thinking. Cocky? Overconfident? Presumptuous?
False. My name is Zachary French and I am undoubtedly the best student your
university could ever have the privilege of housing. Once again, I know what
you’re thinking, “Why is this kid any better than the next?” Well, first of
all, you should be able to tell that I can read minds. Second of all, the word
perfection was derived from my middle name, Perfecticus.
Chuck Norris bows down to me; his
ability to slam a revolving door shut is nothing in comparison to what I have
achieved. I created Mount Everest by piling dirt on itself with a plastic
shovel and was the first person to climb it. I plugged a ‘clapper’ into the sun
and can make it night time by simply clapping my hands twice. I challenged
Muhammad Ali to a fight and won because he fled at the thought of climbing into
the ring with me. The boogie man is afraid of me, and so is North Korea.
When I stub my toe, I hurt the
wall. When I go to sleep the world falls
silent so they do not awaken me. When I
act in theatres, good things happen when I say ‘Macbeth’. As amazing as I may
be, I must confess I cannot defy the laws of physics… I can just change them,
and even ask Stephen Hawking, it all makes sense.
I can do absolutely anything, and
as you can tell from my completely honest examples I am the perfect student for
your university. Now for my conclusion, I will leave you with a simple
question. Shall I start packing tonight or tomorrow?
-Zachary French
No comments:
Post a Comment